Sermon by Rabbi Denise L. Eger, May 30, 2006

Shabbat Shalom,

We have just read from our weekly Parasha the beginning of the book of Numbers a recounting of the death of Nadav and Abihu—two of Aaron’s sons. This isn’t the actual story. The story of their death is recorded in Leviticus chapter 10. They brought a sacrifice that was called an alien sacrifice upon the altar. One that God didn’t ask for. Much has been written about this sacrifice and the incident that caused their death. But the fact that this story is repeated in the Torah is actually an important point. It reminds that that we don’t always learn the lessons the first time around! I don’t know about you but my parents often had to say things on several occasions to motivate me to do them. It is no less true for adults than kids!

We all need reminders at times to live up to our responsibilities. And we sometimes have to be told numerous times to get us to even consider changing our ways. And yet we still fall back into the same patterns.
Certainly throughout the Israelites’ journey in the wilderness, although they had seen God’s great power and experienced the Divine voice at Sinai, their faith went lacking. They saw the Red Sea split, and yet they doubted Moses would deliver. They heard the voice of God ring out the Ten Commandments and saw the smoke and thunder on Mt. Sinai but still doubted that Moses would return. God sent food, manna and water in the desert and yet they doubted that God would deliver them safely to the Promised Land.
We have to be told time and time again. We have to be shown time and time again and thus the story must get repeated both in Leviticus and now in the book of Numbers.
Which is why tonight I am going to talk again about marriage. I know some of you think we shouldn’t bother with this topic. It is a broken institution some say. Less people in the world are marrying and in our country one out of every 2 marriages end in Divorce.
But on June 5 our Congress is set to once again take on the Federal Marriage Amendment that would enshrine discrimination into our Constitution. It would take to the federal level an amendment to our constitution to forbid the recognition of marriage of gay and lesbian couples. But The FMA also would prevent legislative or judicial extension of marriage-like rights to same-sex couples or other unmarried persons. There have already been hearings on the topic in both the House and the Senate. Senator Russ Feingold of Wisconsin (Whose sister is a Reform Rabbi) was so disgusted by the process he left in protest.
Now many people say it doesn’t have a chance of ever being passed since it will take 2/3 of the Congress both the Senate and the House to approve it plus it will take 3/4 of the State legislature or state constitutional conventions to approve any change to our National Constitution and those are big hurdles. According to the website www.Stateline. Org. “Thirty-nine states already prohibit gay and lesbian couples from marrying with laws modeled after the federal Defense of Marriage Act (DOMA). Passed by Congress in 1996, the federal DOMA bars federal recognition of same-sex marriages and allows states to ignore gay marriages performed elsewhere.”
But even if these votes are symbolic—and have no chance of passing, each hearing, each try by the right-wing extremists to further marginalize gay and lesbian lives and families is a victory for them of sorts. They create their platforms for their vision which puts many of us on the defensive. We have to always be in reactive mode. We have to always be putting out fires.
But most important when so many in our own community are ambivalent about marriage in the first place it makes it difficult to secure this right. Even if you are not one who would ever see yourself get married, the truth of the matter is that our society functions around the institution of marriage. From our tax structures to our inheritance structures to the very ways family is defined—marriage is the operative institution. Now perhaps we ought to be merely lobbying for changes in the tax code or inheritance laws. And that might all be true, but there are still many who long to have their relationships celebrated and honored by family and friends and community and to be recognized as kin to one another. There are many who want to stand under the chupah and be married.
As Jews marriage is an important ritual. It is the core of our relationships. And it is at the core of our theology. In fact as we are about to observe the holiday of Shavuot—the image marriage plays a central motif in the Shavuot midrashic literature. God is seen as the bridegroom and Israel as the bride and the Ten Commandments and Torah as our Ketubah—our covenant of marriage between the parties. In fact the Rabbis describe Mt. Sinai being held over Israel’s head’s as the chupah is held above the wedding party’s heads at the ceremony!
Even our Haftarah this Shabbat from the book of Hosea stresses this idea—I will betroth you to me forever, I will betroth you to me in righteousness and justice, goodness and compassion. I will betroth you to me in faithfulness. Hosea speaks of the time when Israel and God will be united and devoted to one another as they were in the days “When she came up from the land of Egypt.” (Hosea 2:17). There is a longing for the early days of married life between God and Israel.
So too in Megillat Ruth which we read on Shavuot, marriage and devotion is a central theme. Through marriage Ruth stays with her mother-in – law. In fact, the words Ruth speaks in devotion to her mother-in- law Naomi have become words shared at gay weddings worldwide. “Wherever you lodge I will lodge, wherever you go I shall go, Your people shall be my people and your God my God.” They do something radical for their era and they keep at least for awhile a woman-centered household at a time when that wouldn’t happen. Indeed the story turns on Boaz becoming Ruth’s redeemer and as next of kin he marries her. But for a while in our very own Bible we can see a future for a household headed by two women!
So for us fighting the Federal Marriage Amendment is a critical act of not only justice but flows out of our theology as Jews. We believe in marriage. We Jews believe that marriage is a sacred state of being for a couple. And we believe that marriage ought to be available to gay couple and straight couples without the interference of the government in our lives and in our religion.
Many things get said in these platforms of the radical right. Many things will be said that will be hurtful to gay people in the days ahead as this vote goes to the Senate. The radical right will get their message out that somehow their theology is superior and their theology is the only correct theology. But we need to be armed and ready. That our Theology—our Jewish theology holds marriage dear—not just for straight folks but for those gay and lesbian couples who wish to enter into familial relationships. It is not about sex or bedroom doors. This is about family and kin. This is about holiness and happiness. This is about Justice and faith.
Please call our senators. Even though they are both on the record as opposing this Amendment. They need to hear from us. Please call your Congressman or woman. They need to hear from us. You can be sure they are hearing from the other side. Let’s let them hear from people of faith who believe that the federal government has no place in this discussion –and that are religion, our theology encourages marriage for all.

Ken yehi Ratzon
So be it God’s will.