Sermon by Rabbi Denise L. Eger, January 17, 2006

Shabbat Shalom.

No one likes talking about death very much. Most of us are uncomfortable imagining it, talking about it, being near it or planning for it. With the exception of funeral directors, morticians, and perhaps a few physicians or nurses, death is something most of us would rather not contemplate or be around. In this week’s Torah portion Vayehi we read of the deaths of both Jacob and his son Joseph in the land of Egypt. This is ironic because the Torah portion’s name, which comes from the first word –has to do with LIFE! “And Jacob lived seventeen years in the land of Egypt.”

While some of us plan our weekends down to the very detail and our vacations as well—we leave to chance some of the most important decisions regarding our end of days. Who will care for me if I get sick? Do I want to be resuscitated? Do I want my life preserved at all costs? Where will I be buried? Who will take care of my final affairs? To whom will I leave my things?
I can’t tell you the number of times I have had to help figure out basic issues for surviving family members simply because the deceased didn’t make his or her wishes known and they did nothing to make sure things were legally and properly taken care of.
These situations can have many implications, not the least of which that your wishes don’t get followed!
Even if you don’t have a large estate, or a lot of money—it is important to plan and take care of the details of death. Even our patriarch Jacob plans in this week’s torah portion. He says to his son Joseph. “Do me this favor …please do not bury me in Egypt. When I lie down with my fathers, take me up from Egypt and bury in their burial place.” (Gen. 47:29-30). Jacob makes his wishes known. He wants to be buried in the Land of Israel, in the Cave of Machpelah, that his grandfather Abraham purchased when Sarah died.
And so we have an important example to all of us in this week’s portion through the words of Jacob.
Along with the decision of where you will be buried, is the opportunity to decide how your things and your estate will be settled. Who will get your prized cd collection? Who will benefit from your 401k from work? Simply by doing nothing—you will insure that it will go to your next of kin-your blood relatives, even if you wouldn’t want it to go to them.
If you own your condo or house—who will inherit it? If you are partnered it won’t automatically go to your partner. So planning is really important. For those of you that would like help in facing these issue—let me suggest our Legacy Circle Event later this month in the evening on Wednesday January 25. Our Legacy Circle is the select group of temple members who have left a bequest to Kol Ami in their will or trust. Perhaps you have seen their names on the special plaque in the outer hallway. These temple members and community friends have all indicated that they have remembered Kol Ami in their final wishes. Perhaps you would like to join this special segment of our congregation. Temple member Stuart Leviton will be discussing all of these issues as well as how you can benefit the synagogue and become a member of the Legacy Circle - On the 25th of January. I hope you will attend.
But while our portion teaches us about this kind of planning it also details the final days of Jacob and includes his final blessings to his children and grandchildren. These special words to his children and grandchildren are as important as any inheritance he might leave.
The words Jacob chooses to say, as his final words, to his sons are seen in the tradition as an ethical will. Unlike a regular will that disposes of financial and physical assets, and ethical will transmits thoughts, feelings and yes, values and traditions to those who survive us.
There is a tradition in Judaism of not only bequeathing material goods but of bequeathing the inheritance of wisdom gained and Jewish life lived to the next generation. The ethical will sometimes imparts knowledge and insight gained over the course of a lifetime and sometimes shares with the family and circle of friends your hopes and prayers for their future.
This tradition is believed to go back to our patriarch Abraham. In Genesis 18:19 God is speaking to Abraham and says, "For I have singled him [Abraham] out, that he may instruct his children and his posterity to keep the way of Adonai by doing what is just and right, in order that Adonai may bring about for Abraham what God has promised him." In this week’s portion-Vayehi, Jacob addresses each of his sons. Some get words of praise and some get words of caution or admonishment. Jacob doesn’t mince words and calls it like he sees it and sometimes makes “predictions” about his sons’ successes and failures.
Of course the entire book of Deuteronomy can be considered Moses’ ethical will to the Jewish people. Admonishing, commanding, cajoling, begging, urging the children of Israel to follow the covenant they made with God in the future. We also see that Isaiah said to Hezekiah “Set your house in order.” The Apocrypha, the Talmud, medieval and modern Hebrew literature all contain examples of ethical wills parents left their children
Our earliest surviving Jewish ethical will in manuscript form is from the eleventh century. It is an ethical will of Elezear, son of Isaac of Worms. He says, “Think not of evil for evil thinking leads to evil doing.... Purify thy body, the dwelling-place of thy soul.... Give of all thy food a portion to God. Let God’s portion be the best, and give it to the poor.”
One of the most famous ethical wills comes from the great Jewish scholar Maimonides in the 12th Century. He writes, "There is no better antidote to the weakness of the heart than the combination of truth and justice [faithfulness and trustworthiness in his language]. On the day when I shall bequeath to you the material heritage bestowed on me by the Creator, I shall transfer to you primarily the quality of trustworthiness by which I acquired these possessions. It was my faithfulness that brought me into places where my ancestors could never have brought me and bestowed upon me an inheritance greater than that of my parents. It invested me with authority over those greater and better than myself, and I prospered and became useful to myself and to others. Be therefore zealous for the welfare of others even beyond the letter of the law; keep your word and do not evade your public or private promises, made either verbally or in writing, either before witnesses or in private. Reject and avoid fraudulent, underhand and unhalakhic practices. Do not take anything, great or small that is not yours. Know that one who accustoms himself to dubious things will inevitably resort to willful activity, just as one who takes a small amount in the beginning or takes something secretly, will eventually take much and in public, until he becomes a liar, robber and embezzler. Be proud of your moral values and be content in your values of truth, for there is no greater nobility and no more glorious inheritance."
Clearly both Elezar and Maimonides had much to say. Their words remind us of Jewish values, Jewish ideals and the way we ought to live and behave! They speak not only to their own descendants but certainly to us.
So what would you say to your friends, and family, your children if you have them, nieces and nephews? Would you share your ideas about life? Politics? Judaism? Family stories? Your story? Your values and beliefs?
There are several books available that help you to frame your own ethical will including Rabbi Jack Reimer’s Ethical Wills and Hebrew Ethical Wills by Jewish Publication Society and one secular one by Barry Baines, Ethical Wills: How to Put Your Values on Paper.
We can be like Jacob our patriarch and share the deeper parts of our soul with our family and friends in our last hours and days through our ethical wills. And we can leave a lasting legacy that will literally help us speak from beyond the grave.
I encourage you to do so and hope that you will.
May our memories and our words and values live on in the lives of our familes and friends.
Ken Yehi Ratzon.