Parshat Toledot: Genesis 25:19-28:9 By: Rabbi Denise Eger

Thanksgiving and Reconciliation

American’s are preparing this week to celebrate Thanksgiving. This civic holiday is built upon the mythic meal shared between the Pilgrims and the Native Americans in 1621. So grateful were the new comers to this land for the gentle hand extended by the native peoples after the first harsh winter in teaching them the ways to grow crops the following spring, they celebrated this first harvest with this bountiful repast. The Plymouth colonists and Wampanoag Indians gathered in a harvest feast with venison and wild fowl. It has come to symbolize the ultimate gathering of family and generations around an overly abundant harvest table.

But the myth of Thanksgiving doesn’t always match the reality. While more people are reunited with their families of origin on this American holiday (just check the crowds at any airport on the Wednesday before the holiday) there are plenty of interfamily squabbles and snubs that are just as much a part of the side dishes of Thanksgiving as mashed potatoes and yams!

Too often what gets served up at the Thanksgiving meal is a re-opening of wounds and emotional traumas that date back decades. Who can forget the scene in the movie “Avalon” when Gabriel, the brother of the grandfather, Sam arrives late for the Thanksgiving meal and is blustery and angry when they already had carved the turkey. Gabriel is yelling and screaming and creating a scene and leaves in a huff. The power of his disregard for the family gathering on the one hand in showing up extremely late while on the other hand feeling excluded from this sacred meal goes to show the power of this ritual meal and its symbolism. It is rarely the meal itself that is the problem but history between the members of the family, opinions and criticisms that create a recipe for hurt and agitation.

In our Torah portion this week, Toledot, food plays an important part. This week we are introduced to patriarch Isaac’s sons, Esau and Jacob. They are twins who tangle with one another through the course of their life. Each cause the other much grief, anguish and their entangled story is one that causes all kinds of family stress, pain and heartache.

Esau is a hunter. Jacob is a mild man who stays in camp. Esau was favored by his father because of his hunting skills and Isaac’s taste for meat while Jacob was favored by his mother Rebekah. Jacob was clever and understood that his position as second born of the twins put him in a weaker position. And so Jacob ever so clever takes advantage of his brother’s hunger and trades him some lentil stew for the valued birth right. Esau wants his immediate needs met and willingly trades his future for a bowl of stew. But this would create family havoc that would take decades to be reconciled.

Isaac also creates a festival meal of thanksgiving in this week’s portion to celebrate the peace treaty between King Abimelech and his own clan. This festive meal restored and renewed the relationship between King Abimelech and Isaac since Isaac had deceived him and it caused the King to drive Isaac and his clan out.

Then as the chapter closes, Isaac his eyes too dimmed by blindness to see clearly, is deceived by his own son Jacob to receive the blessing of his father. At Rebekah’s insistence her favorite son, Jacob dupes the blind father with choice food and a disguise, receiving now not only the birthright that he traded for so long ago but the blessing of the patriarch.

This riles Esau to the core and his wrath is felt by the family. And thus Jacob must hastily make his exit from the family.

Family discord is the motif of this parasha. But if we skip ahead many years later, when Jacob and Esau are ultimately reunited, even as Jacob’s fear level rises to new heights he is ultimately welcomed and embraced by his brother. This teaches us that reconciliation with our family is possible and desirable.

So even as we move about the country, visiting for this most important American holy day, we remember that even when the family table has so many underlying currents of disappointment, envy and history our ultimate goal like those of the twins who once did each other wrong, is to reconcile and embrace.

Perhaps that is what our Thanksgiving goal should be. Even as we differ—we take care to be sensitive to one another and to seeing ourselves as the adults we have come to be-rather than children we once were. This may empower us as we feast together-and it is indeed something to give thanks for.

Posted by Jimmy at November 24, 2008 09:27 AM