Parshat Toledot: Genesis 25:19-28:9 By: Rabbi Denise Eger

Thanksgiving and Reconciliation

American’s are preparing this week to celebrate Thanksgiving. This civic holiday is built upon the mythic meal shared between the Pilgrims and the Native Americans in 1621. So grateful were the new comers to this land for the gentle hand extended by the native peoples after the first harsh winter in teaching them the ways to grow crops the following spring, they celebrated this first harvest with this bountiful repast. The Plymouth colonists and Wampanoag Indians gathered in a harvest feast with venison and wild fowl. It has come to symbolize the ultimate gathering of family and generations around an overly abundant harvest table.

But the myth of Thanksgiving doesn’t always match the reality. While more people are reunited with their families of origin on this American holiday (just check the crowds at any airport on the Wednesday before the holiday) there are plenty of interfamily squabbles and snubs that are just as much a part of the side dishes of Thanksgiving as mashed potatoes and yams!

Too often what gets served up at the Thanksgiving meal is a re-opening of wounds and emotional traumas that date back decades. Who can forget the scene in the movie “Avalon” when Gabriel, the brother of the grandfather, Sam arrives late for the Thanksgiving meal and is blustery and angry when they already had carved the turkey. Gabriel is yelling and screaming and creating a scene and leaves in a huff. The power of his disregard for the family gathering on the one hand in showing up extremely late while on the other hand feeling excluded from this sacred meal goes to show the power of this ritual meal and its symbolism. It is rarely the meal itself that is the problem but history between the members of the family, opinions and criticisms that create a recipe for hurt and agitation.

In our Torah portion this week, Toledot, food plays an important part. This week we are introduced to patriarch Isaac’s sons, Esau and Jacob. They are twins who tangle with one another through the course of their life. Each cause the other much grief, anguish and their entangled story is one that causes all kinds of family stress, pain and heartache.

Esau is a hunter. Jacob is a mild man who stays in camp. Esau was favored by his father because of his hunting skills and Isaac’s taste for meat while Jacob was favored by his mother Rebekah. Jacob was clever and understood that his position as second born of the twins put him in a weaker position. And so Jacob ever so clever takes advantage of his brother’s hunger and trades him some lentil stew for the valued birth right. Esau wants his immediate needs met and willingly trades his future for a bowl of stew. But this would create family havoc that would take decades to be reconciled.

Isaac also creates a festival meal of thanksgiving in this week’s portion to celebrate the peace treaty between King Abimelech and his own clan. This festive meal restored and renewed the relationship between King Abimelech and Isaac since Isaac had deceived him and it caused the King to drive Isaac and his clan out.

Then as the chapter closes, Isaac his eyes too dimmed by blindness to see clearly, is deceived by his own son Jacob to receive the blessing of his father. At Rebekah’s insistence her favorite son, Jacob dupes the blind father with choice food and a disguise, receiving now not only the birthright that he traded for so long ago but the blessing of the patriarch.

This riles Esau to the core and his wrath is felt by the family. And thus Jacob must hastily make his exit from the family.

Family discord is the motif of this parasha. But if we skip ahead many years later, when Jacob and Esau are ultimately reunited, even as Jacob’s fear level rises to new heights he is ultimately welcomed and embraced by his brother. This teaches us that reconciliation with our family is possible and desirable.

So even as we move about the country, visiting for this most important American holy day, we remember that even when the family table has so many underlying currents of disappointment, envy and history our ultimate goal like those of the twins who once did each other wrong, is to reconcile and embrace.

Perhaps that is what our Thanksgiving goal should be. Even as we differ—we take care to be sensitive to one another and to seeing ourselves as the adults we have come to be-rather than children we once were. This may empower us as we feast together-and it is indeed something to give thanks for.

Parshat Chayeh Sarah: Genesis 23:1- 25:18 By: Rabbi Denise L. Eger

Parshat Chayeh Sarah is bookended by the deaths of the first matriarch and patriarch of the Jewish people, Sarah and Abraham. The opening verses describe the death of Sarah and Abraham’s mourning for her and his negotiations to buy a proper burial place for the family in the Cave of Machpelah in Hebron/Kirat Arbah. The end of the portion reports Abraham’s sons, Ishmael and Isaac, coming together to bury their father in that same burial place.

But this portion also records the marriage of Isaac to Rebekah and the marriage of Abraham to yet another wife named Keturah with whom he has many more children.

Following the death of Sarah, Abraham realizes he must find a suitable wife for his son, if the promise of the covenant is to be fulfilled. He does not want Isaac to marry the local pagans. Instead he sends his servant and chief of staff back to the land of his own ancestors to seek a wife for Isaac. This is exactly what Eliezer does and the portion records the encounter of Rebekah at the well and her kindness to Eliezer and his camels and her willingness to go on a great adventure to meet her future husband. Both implicitly and explicitly, the force of the Divine is present in Rebekah and Eliezer’s encounter and chance meeting. It also is operating as Eliezer meets Rebekah’s family and recounts the story and the purpose of his trip. Rebekah’s family acknowledges this Divine force playing out and larger drama when they say, “The matter was decreed by God; we cannot speak to you bad or good. Here is Rebekah before you; take her and go and let her be a wife to your master’s son as God has spoken” (Gen. 24: 50-51). Rebekah is asked directly if this is what she wants and she affirms it.

Rebekah travels back to the land of Israel with Eliezer and when Isaac and Rebekah meet they seem to have a strong connection and “Isaac then brought her into the tent of his mother, Sarah, and he took Rebekah as his wife. Isaac loved her and thus found comfort after his mother’s death” (Gen 24: 67).

Also Abraham takes another wife once this task is completed. He marries Keturah and has many children by her. Our tradition often tries to identify Keturah with Hagar, the second wife that bore Ishmael and whom Abraham had to turn out of his tent at Sarah’s insistence.

But all this talk of marriages is important especially in light of the lies and deceptions told by those who were part of the coalition of churches in the protect marriage groups that took away the fundamental rights of gay men and lesbians to marry in California. They continually invoke the Bible as the source of traditional marriage. They claim that since Biblical times marriage was only between one man and one woman. If they just read the story of Abraham and Sarah and the patriarchs of Judaism which Christianity also claims they would see nothing could be further than the truth.

Abraham was married to Sarah. But Sarah gave her servant Hagar to Abraham to father a child. That child was Ishmael. Hagar’s status was that of second wife. Polygamy was standard fare in Biblical times. It fell out of favor in Jewish tradition but was formally and finally outlawed in Jewish tradition in the Middle Ages. Although in some Jewish communities in Arab countries the practiced remained into the twentieth century heavily influenced by the culture surrounding them. Today in many Islamic nations polygamy continues to be normative and in many Mormon communities it is as well as we have seen in recent months. But to claim the mantle of the Bible as justification that marriage has always been the same and only between one man and one woman is just plain out wrong.

But religious bigots will stop at nothing to twist and turn the bible to suit their goals. Many Biblical characters had multiple wives with God’s blessing. King David, King Solomon, and even the patriarch Jacob had more than one wife. But now like slavery our society views multiple wives (or husbands) as an anathema. Jesus according to Christian tradition had no wife.

There is a lot of room for a variety of family structures. But to continuously use the Bible as the justification for passing laws which eliminates civil and equal rights for a segment of the population based on one’s religious views negates the distinction between religion and state.

As we continue to fight for justice and freedom in the state of California and across the nation and around the world, we would do well to remember that marriage is and always has been an evolving and changing and dynamic institution. What matters most between the two people involved are the values they share in common and the way that they treat each other with respect, honor, dignity and yes, love.

Different religions have different approaches to marriage in their traditions. But it is unfair and un -American to have one religion’s ideas carved into American law when it would abrogate another’s religious practice. This is not a theocracy. Practice your faith in your pews and I will practice mine in my shul. If it is the state that issues the marriage license get the clergy out of the state’s business and if a couple wish to have a blessing or religious ceremony in their church or synagogue terrific! Then they must also meet the criteria of their faith tradition.

Reform Judaism welcomes gay men and lesbians beneath the wedding canopy. The present situation in California and in many states across the U.S. hampers the expression of our religious ideals. The time has come to end this.

Let us work diligently together to create that day!

Parshat Vayera: Genesis 18:1-22:24 By: Rabbi Denise L. Eger

This last week has been tumultuous in many of our lives. The first person of color to be elected president in our country is an historic milestone regardless of one’s party of political affiliation. President- Elect Obama smashed the color barrier in new ways not just for our nation but in truth for the world. President-Elect Obama’s election is extraordinary progress especially when we consider that the Emancipation Proclamation was first issued in 1862 and that prior to that blacks were consider slaves and property.

But also this week has been a devastating and difficult time for our community, our state and yes, for our country. Because even as Sen. Obama’s election is symbolic of the changes in our attitudes about race, what became painfully clear is that our state’s electorate has not yet changed their attitudes about sexual orientation. Too many Californians who voted wrongly believe that sexual orientation is a choice not something that is innately part of one’s being.

And sadly and unjustly, they continue their misreading and misunderstanding of the Bible as their so called “proof” of how society should be structured and then spew their venom and lies about our lives across the airwaves and across their pulpits. But the Bible is a malleable document. The Bible endorses slavery. The Bible describes families with multiple wives. The Bible endorses many situations where now our world view, our knowledge of science has changed and our conclusions are different. In Reform Judaism we understand that there is an idea of progressive Revelation—God keeps revealing to us new truths and prophetic ideals. One of the many places that we understand our world to have changed is the role of women and another place our attitudes and understanding and knowledge has grown and expanded is in understanding that gay and lesbian people are not only part of God’s plan but fully a part of our community with full equality!

In the progressive religious communities we are angry that somehow in the minds of many including the media—the fundamentalists of both Christianity and Judaism and other faith communities define religion. Nothing could be further than the truth. They are not correct. They are not speaking the truth and sadly, they lead their people down a path of immorality and idolatry with their heinous and bigoted lies about GLBT lives.

We assert profoundly that all people –including gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender people are created in the Divine Image-B’tzelem Elohim. We assert as Reform Jews that gay men and lesbian can if they desire create marriages, sacred holy relationships to be blessed beneath the wedding canopy. We assert as Reform Jews that to lie to achieve an end is blasphemous. And to confuse the law of the land with one’s religious perspective is dangerous.

That is why we hold dearly to the separation of church and state or in our case, synagogue and state. But there is much confusion about marriage in the mind of the public. They seem to think that marriage and its definition is controlled by a specific religious tradition. But in truth in our country, marriage is controlled and defined by the state. If your religious tradition wants to celebrate or bless a marriage they may do so. But you don’t need to have a priest, rabbi, imam, or minister to sign a wedding certificate. Any approved civil official, judge, certain electeds, wedding commissioners are able to make a marriage legal.

This week’s portion Vayeira has many important stories of our tradition. Some so important that we read them on Rosh Hashanah such as the story of the dissention between Sarah and Hagar and the subsequent banishment of Hagar and Ishmael from Abraham’s household. This is followed by the story of the binding of Isaac that is read on the second day of Rosh Hashanah. But the parasha opens with the story of Sodom and Gomorrah. Perhaps one story so responsible for the harshness and hatred directed at gay men and lesbians. But a story completely misread by early Christianity and they were influenced by the writing of Hellenistic Jewish philosopher, Philo who first misread the story. The big lie was that the sin of Sodom was the sin of the mob who wanted to rape the visiting men in Lot’s house. To appease the unruly mob, Lot offers to throw his daughters to the dangerous horde (Is this a loving father figure?).

Abraham, Lot’s uncle, pleads to God to save these two cities despite God’s determination of their sinfulness. Abraham bargains with God to save these cities for the sake of the righteous people who live there. But according to Jewish tradition what was the sin of Sodom? What was their sinfulness? According to Jewish tradition the sin of Sodom was not homosexuality but the sin of inhospitality. The mob that pounded on Lot’s door, desiring to know the strangers he hosted were guilty of the sin of being inhospitable to strangers. The Jewish way is to be inclusive, to welcome, to be kind to those different or unknown to us.

This was Abraham’s way and his legacy to us today.

We must welcome the stranger in our midst. We must love our neighbor as ourselves. And we reject firmly, and strongly those who would claim that gay and lesbian people are responsible for all things that go wrong in society and the world whether Jerry Falwell or Thomas Aquinas or Pat Robertson or James Dobson. It is no sin to be gay or lesbian bisexual or transgendered. In truth the sin of Sodom is on their shoulders—those who provide no welcome, no home, no comfort for gay men and lesbians. They will bring about a destruction of the very moral fabric of our society by what they have wrought through the passage of Proposition 8.

But we who continue to seek peace and seek justice and to restore equality to our Constitution—must also continue to walk in way of peace, and walk in the ways of Abraham welcoming the stranger and advocating for the righteous ones in our midst.
Because just as Abraham and Sarah found out—you never know who just might be an angel!

Parshat Lech Lecha: Genesis 12:1 – 17:27 By: Rabbi Denise L. Eger

This week’s portion, Lech Lecha records the initial covenant between God and the progenitors of the Jewish people, Abraham and Sarah. When we meet them their names are Abram and Sarai. Abram is called to leave his ancestors homeland, in the city of Ur and make his way to the land of Canaan that will become the Promised Land. This is a journey towards God and a journey to become the father of many nations. The promise made to Abram is “I am making you a father of a multitude of nations. I am making you exceedingly fruitful and turning you into nations; kings shall come forth from you” (Gen. 17:5-6). Abram and Sarai do not have children but as this portion unfolds, Sarai becomes the mother of Ishmael born to Abram and her hand-maiden, Hagar. Later she will have her own child with Abraham, Isaac. And it is through Isaac that the Jewish people trace their lineage.

But as part of this covenantal promise, Abram and Sarai undergo a name change. God adds the Hebrew Letter Hay to each of their names. Thus Abram becomes Abraham and Sarai becomes Sarah. This change of name shows that both are included in this covenantal promise and future and both have a special relationship with God. Both Abraham and Sarah have a unique and important role with the Eternal. The covenant is not made with Abraham alone. The Midrash teaches:

Rav Manna said: Formerly she was a princess (Sarai) to her own people only, whereas now she is a princess (Sarah) to all humanity” (Genesis Rabbah 47:1). Tradition teaches us then that the covenantal promise to be the source of many nations is fulfilled through both Sarah and Abraham.

Too often Jewish tradition emphasizes the patriarchal parts of our religion. But here at the core, at the beginning Sarah is included in the promise. The covenant is made with Sarah as well. This is very important in understanding the fundamental core of our tradition that includes both women and men. Our Reform Jewish tradition made this even more explicit in its dedication to religious egalitarianism—the full religious equality of women and men—to be counted fully in a minyan, to be obligated by mitzvot, to serve as rabbis and cantors. This plays itself out liturgically in our prayers by adding the imahot, our matriarchs to the Amidah. Reform Judaism has done this for several decades now. But we can see the core of understanding of the power of this from this week’s portion and the inclusion of Sarah as part of the covenant.

Today we must ask how we are helping to uphold this ancient covenant. What Abraham and Sarah began so many centuries ago, when they heard God’s voice calling them to journey towards a new life, a life lived through this special covenant is still with us today. The journey hasn’t stopped. The Jewish people are still on that same pathway trying to reach out and fulfill the covenantal promises made so long ago. Even as we read the story of Abraham and Sarah we must ask ourselves how we can best uphold and fulfill the covenant of loving God, walking in God’s ways and helping transform ourselves into the spiritual and moral beings that God desires for us to become. This is the journey the Abraham and Sarah were on. It is ours as well. May we walk with God just as Abraham and Sarah did.