Parshat Kedoshim; Leviticus 19:1 -20:27 By: Rabbi Denise L. Eger
The Torah portion this week, Kedoshim, describes many pathways to holiness. Particularly in chapter 19 of Leviticus there are many examples of the high moral ground we must take in dealing with others in society. We are reminded that our call to live holy lives flows directly from God’s holiness. “You shall be holy for I Adonai your God, am holy” (Lev.19:3). Kedusha, holiness is a divine attribute according to the Torah. This is an attribute that we are called to aspire to and live by as Jews. In chapter 19 many of the mitzvot are those dealing with society as a whole. We must treat our fellow human beings with the same sanctity that we imagine in our relationship to God.
One of the admonitions in chapter 19 reminds us to “rise before the aged and show deference to the old’ (Lev. 19:32). As the baby boomers enter retirement and people live longer lives the number of senior citizens continues to grow. Many people are called now not just to care for their own children but many are called to also be the main care providers for the elderly in their families. It is often difficult for the “sandwich” generation to be able to manage the strength, stamina, patience and caring required to care for both ends of the life spectrum. So too, even as the baby boomers themselves become senior citizens many are caring for even older and maybe frail elderly parents or aunts and uncles as life span increases.
But this week’s Torah portion and in particular verse 32 of chapter 19 is an important reminder of our obligations to the elderly. It is easy to lose patience. It can be difficult at times to delicately manage the care of an elderly parent. We must be sensitive to the fact that although they may be in declining health they are not children and cannot be treated as such. But they are adults. They have lived lives and experienced the ups and downs that go into such a life. We have to sometimes be reminded that they won’t see eye to eye with us and that they want to maintain their own self-worth and independence as long as possible. Even though it might be easier, or less expensive or less aggravating for us to manage their care differently, they elderly must be consulted and listened to.
Indeed it is a delicate balance to make sure elderly parents and aunts and uncles are cared for properly without taking away their dignity. There is no harder conversation to have with an elderly parent than when it is time to take the car keys away. There is a loss of independence and it is a tremendous blow to a person’s ability to care for his or her self. And yet, the consequence of someone behind the wheel that is confused or unable to react in the right time frame is deadly for many. It is sometimes a painful discussion to have to tell an elderly aunt or uncle that they may not be able to stay in their own home unless they sign up for meals on wheels. But we must consider their perspective and gently and deftly be able to consider an alternative point of view.
We may at times be forced because of health care, finances and/or other issues to have to make decisions about those seniors that conflict with their own wishes and desires. But our Torah portions words remind us to do so gently and with kindness and compassion in our hearts and hands. Showing deference means hearing them out. Rising before the aged is showing honor. But sometimes to “honor mother and father” means that we have to ensure their well-being and it may mean a solution to a problem that might be a bitter pill to swallow.
That is why this week’s Torah portion and in particular this verse that reminds us to “rise before the aged and show deference to the old” can help us treat our seniors with proper respect and honor. There is holiness in the relationships we forge with our seniors and the elderly. How we treat them, how we speak to them and value the contributions and wisdom that they have to share with us matter.
Our society at large is so focused on youth culture. But Jewish culture reminds us that the elderly and seniors among us have value, worth and wealth of life experiences –wisdom, to share and to teach and we, their children and grandchildren, nieces and nephews ought to take the time and caring to hear them out!
Posted by Aaron at April 28, 2008 09:16 AM
