Parshat Chaye Sarah; Genesis 23:1-25:18 By: Rabbi Denise L. Eger

After Sarah’s death Abraham worries for the future. Abraham is very advanced in years. He has just bought the family burial plot at Machapelah (now Hebron) and buried his wife, Sarah. Abraham’s attention now turns to his heir and he is concerned about Isaac and the future of the covenant. How will the covenant be fulfilled if Isaac is alone? Abraham has a dilemma on his hands. He does not want Isaac to take a wife from among the locals but he also doesn’t want Isaac to return to the land of Abraham’s ancestors. Perhaps Isaac might stay there and thwart the covenantal efforts and promises that Abraham made to God. Certainly after Isaac’s terror provoking experience with his father at the top of Mt. Moriah where he became a near sacrifice, we can imagine Isaac not wanting to have much contact with his father and his father’s covenant with God.

But in a different scenario, the traditional view is that Isaac was a willing participant in his near sacrifice. We can imagine him giving thanks that God provided a ram for the sacrifice and stayed Abraham’s hand. In this reading Isaac also wants to ensure the viability of the covenant.

In either case Abraham wants Isaac to have heirs and thus ensure that his line—Abraham’s line, continues and flourishes in the land that God has shown him.
In this week’s portion, Chaye Sarah, Abraham sends his servant, Eliezer back to Haran, to the city of Nahor to find a wife for his son Isaac.

Abraham does what most parents do. They worry for their children’s future. They want grandchildren. And in the eyes of those grandchildren— a grandparents see beyond the grave. They see hope and a future even as their own eyes dim and perhaps their own strength wanes. Abraham sees in Isaac, his heir, the opportunity for their family to fulfill the covenantal promises made with God to stake out this Promised Land. Certainly with the death of Sarah, Abraham’s wife, we can imagine that Abraham becomes aware of his own mortality. Thus these kinds of questions about heirs and progeny come to light.

In a time when many people choose not to have children or are unable to have children these questions about family and progeny might seem archaic. Certainly in our world today there is an emphasis on finding the right spouse, partner, husband, or wife. Abraham doesn’t want Isaac to be alone. This is a concern of most parents of their children.

While few of us have a servant Eliezer to find us the perfect mate, we can learn something about how to choose a partner from this week’s portion. Abraham’s insistence that Eleizer return to Haran and choose a partner for Isaac from his own people is not just a rejection of intermarriage with the local Canaanites. But rather it is a question of values.

A marriage or long term partnership is not just about sexual attraction, chemistry, lust and/or love. But it is about sharing a way of looking at the world. Sacred relationship and partnership is about creating a deep intimacy that binds the partners together through a common bond of values, ideals and principles for living life in the day to day. When seeking a partner for the long term, it should also be about a commonality of purpose, a commonality of vision of life’s unfolding, a commonality of caring and a commonality of ethical precepts.

Just as in ancient time there was an economic component of marriage—so too today there is an economic component as finances and material support matter in being able to care for each other. These were concerns for Abraham and ostensibly for Isaac as well.

Perhaps that is part of the popularity of JDate, Eharmony and Match.com. Internet dating websites help a person also articulate the values and vision for their future. A good exercise for those of you who are seeking a mate is to take the time to write a letter to yourself outlining these various things about what you are seeking, not just in the attraction department but the values that are important to you. Then perhaps you will have a better measure to help you with your choices. Eliezer articulates these values of kindness and generosity as paramount when he seeks a wife for Isaac. What values are paramount to you?

Posted by Aaron at October 30, 2007 11:14 AM