Parshat Shelach-Lecha; Numbers 13:1-15:41 by Rabbi Denise L, Egger

What is the role of the non-Jewish family member in the synagogue community? This is a question that continues to be discussed with great fervor as intermarriage rates rise among Jews. The National Jewish Population Survey records that more Jews than ever are marrying non-Jews. This is a trend that has continued to grow over several decades. Increasingly as families join the synagogue there is a significant percentage of families where one of the adult partners is not Jewish. Of course there is always the opportunity to invite that non-Jewish member of the family to convert to Judaism. And some do so. But there are others who never become a full part of the covenant of Abraham and Sarah, a member of the Jewish people. So what is their role and how should we treat them?

This week’s Torah portion Shelach-Lecha gives us some insight and guidance in the matter.

In my two decades of rabbinic service I have encountered many interfaith families. Some whose non-Jewish adults practice other faith traditions. But many families are ones where the non-Jewish partner has no formal ties to any religious tradition. Very often these families and these non-Jewish spouses are supportive partners in the observances of Judaism. They celebrate the Jewish holidays with the Jewish members of the family. They often join the temple with their family and even attend worship and other programs with them. The non-Jewish spouse can even at times be found volunteering for the congregation. I have known non-Jewish spouses that have even taught religious school or been active in the pre-school program teaching the meanings behind the holidays to the smallest members of the Jewish people!

And yet, for whatever their own reasons, these non-Jewish spouses do not/cannot make the leap to being fully Jewish.

In some parts of the Jewish community there is a clear message that these non-Jews should not be encouraged to participate and hurdles are placed at every opportunity to make it difficult for them to be involved. This seems to me harsh and that it goes against the grain of our tradition.

In this week’s parasha we read an important instruction concerning the resident alien. One who lives and works within the community but who is not a citizen. Verse 15:14-16 of the book of Numbers reads, “And when throughout the ages, a stranger who has taken up residence with you, or one who lives among you, would present an offering by fire of pleasing odor to Adonai – as you do, so shall it be done by the rest of the congregation. There shall be one law for you and for the resident stranger; it shall be a law for all time throughout the ages. You and the stranger shall be alike before God. The same ritual and the same rule shall apply to you and to the stranger who resides among you.”

It seems very clear from these few verses that we must treat the resident alien with the same dignity and respect that we treat citizens (or those who are Jewish). The resident alien can even offer sacrifices to God—and they must be accepted. I think this is a clear message to us that the resident alien is clearly to be treated as part of our community. This should be all we need to reach out to include the non-Jewish spouse in all we do within synagogue life. If they wish to—they should be members, they should be invited to worship with us, to study with us, to be involved in acts of social justice with us. And yes, at times there will be some few things that they cannot do because they are not Jewish for the most part they can and should be integrated into the life of our spiritual communities.

Yes, there are some things are reserved for those who are Jewish. We don’t call a non-Jew up to bless the Torah scroll with the blessing “who has chosen us from among all the people to receive Your Torah of truth.” But should we deny the non-Jewish spouse the opportunity to learn more about Judaism? Or to volunteer for the synagogue?

At different times in Jewish history these passages have been interpreted differently. These verse came to be applied not to the resident alien—but to those who convert to Judaism- the proselyte. And indeed there should not be any distinction between those born Jewish and those who choose Judaism and decide to cast their lot with the Jewish people formally.

But today we face a phenomenon of those who indeed cast their lot through marriage with the Jewish people but do not do so formally through conversion. I think our portion this week’s calls upon us to treat the non-Jewish family members with compassion as a member of our community—even though there may be some minor distinctions in our responsibilities and obligations as community members.

I do know that often through the years, I have seen the non-Jewish spouse finally make the decision to formally join the Jewish people after living among and with the Jewish community. This alone is reason enough to continue to extend our hand to in friendship and compassion to the non-Jewish spouse. I hope we continue to make the Jewish community a more friendly and welcoming place for interfaith families.

Posted by Lee at June 26, 2006 10:36 AM